Which Voice Do You Want To Listen To?

So it's been a fairly quiet week for me. Not that work, doctor appointments and other things haven't stressed me out but I haven't been even close to an emotional breakdown. After the past two months, I consider that a win. On Monday we had family dinner and I even spoke the words out loud that I was emotionally abused and I fear they are all going to leave me like everyone else has. I got mauled for that one... a few tears and a lot of giggles. It was good.

Today my thoughts are on faith and beliefs. I have never denied that I might have been raised Christian but don't hold to that faith. The old pagan religions have more power for me. Heavily female leaning, full pantheons, even multiple pantheons are what my soul tells me is true. I believe in magic.

That truth inside of me... the voices of my subconscious... have kept me sane all these years. Well, as close to sanity as possible for any of us. ;-) Remember, we're all insane by someone's definition... just as we're all going to hell by someone's definition. So I don't worry about that too much. Anyway, when I chose to listen to my own voice(s) instead of what others were telling me is when I started laying the groundwork for taking myself back. Regaining control.

Most of my chosen family have similar beliefs. Do all of our details match up with each other? Hell no... wouldn't want them to either. That's part of what makes it interesting. But when we get together tarot, runes, and astrology are just a part of what we do and we take it seriously. Everyone has their own preference but we listen to each others interpretations. Some of us are more heavily into it than others and that is fine.

One person in the family is who I'm thinking about... or towards... with this line of thought. She's having a hard time in the believing because... well a lot of reasons. She has a heavy wall around her of cynicism and skepticism. I'm sure part of that is the health problems she has had in surviving cancer twice in her short life but I think part of it that she's not admitting (to us at least) comes from someone telling her in the past that she was wrong. Someone she trusted told her that what her own soul/voices said was total garbage. Gibberish. I heard the same thing but dove inside my own head instead. So now she says she wants to believe but her actions say otherwise. The trust in faith is overridden by the other voice that says if it isn't provable then it's not true.

As of yet, I'm still walking on eggshells with her on this subject... afraid of hurting both of us. When I get the chance, here is what I want to say. I don't know who hurt her before... who betrayed her trust... but the whole issue of faith has nothing to do with trusting us or even the gods really. They can be backstabbing bitches too. It's about trusting herself. Listening to her own voices (because really, who doesn't have multiple subconscious voices all with different opinions?) and hearing what they have to say. Then deciding... which voice do you want to listen to?